On managing expectation, burnout, and monotony

Hey there, it's been a hot minute.

Couple of updates, nothing major in a sense, something huge in another. Let's get the elephant out of the room and back to the zoo - I'm tired.

Moment is dead. I've realized that my ambition to get it working was rather silly - given that plenty of other open source stock ticker applications exist and I could get the volume detection feature working much faster by just contributing to an existing project rather than rolling my own. Moment was a spark of inspiration that was edged mostly by not-invented-here syndrome. It was unrealistic to expect that I would be able to understand an industry and create an application tailored to a specific industry problem as an outsider in just a couple of months. The project is dead but the idea lives on in my brain, and may one day be contributed to another project. Here's the app that I currently use - maybe it will accept a contribution from a tired man one day.

Application updates are put on the shelf for about a week or two. While I did just release an update for FridgeFriend, I won't be doing much more work for the next few weeks unless something horrible blows up in the apps. I've noticed I'm getting into this mental rut of go to work (from home) and program. Get off work and program. Struggle with work problems that are a result of past coding decisions that now are affecting or limiting business opportunities and future business decisions. Struggle with personal project problems which are a result of past coding decisions that now affect or limit future coding enjoyment. Don't misunderstand, I still love doing this. I just don't love doing this all the damn time. I think I'll just need a small break - not from work since I need to pay the bills, but at least from a hobby which begins to feel more and more like work each day. Although that being said, I still am inspired now and again from the academic pursuits of programming, I just updated the PYDroid library with some hopefully less coupled ways to adopt the PYDroid MVI architecture, via adopting a lighter ViewModel into an existing architecture without needing to adopt the UiView and Component model. It's a longer technical talk which I'd love to indulge in one day - but not now.

To escape the bland monotony of my programming life, I've been attempting a couple of different activites. One being sleeping - the classic sign of depression. But aside from that, I've been playing music (and listening to music), I've taken a deeper interest in the puzzle game Tetris over at this lovely website, I've gotten back into smash, and I've been reading lightly to get myself into the hobby, and out of the mindset of just programming all the time.

Music has helped me to relax and engage a more creative side of my brain in a pursuit other than coding Though I would argue is programming of the most creative pursuits the human condition can take part in, the way of thinking becomes too result orientated in many instances and limits the creative expression that one needs to mentally and emotionally thrive. Both the consumption and creation of music engages the creative side that is less result orientated and lends itself better to simply creating for the sake of exploring the artistic side of ones process.

In a similar way, griding out games of Tetris like a giant fucking nerd also helps me engage a creative side of my brain that has been left out for a while. While I would argue there is a "best and most" efficient way to play Tetris, I would also argue that the human component of the game prevents the best and most efficient way from ever actually being used. People have comforts and preferences and style which they imbue into many facets of their life, including how they play a simple puzzle game. Do you stack on the side in a 9-0 or closer to a 6-3? Do you react to garbage with defensive downstacking or aggressive compounding? Do you go for a guaranteed T double now, or take a chance on setting up a Trinity? Do you even care at all? It is - after all - just a game. How one chooses to find enjoyment in a game is up to the player. Creative expression through a restrictive medium often brings out the best in us all.

Smash is like Tetris for me though I've had more experience with it. Simple to pick up, impossible to master. Let's not overestimate here, I'm awful at Melee. I love the game, I'm awful at it. But it is probably one of the most creative and rewarding video games I've ever experienced. If you practice you will be rewarded. If you can dream it, one day you will do it. Hands down the best fighting game I've ever failed at - one of my favorite games of all time. Eternally frustrating, but magically relaxing and exciting all at once. I highly recommend it to anyone who even has a passing interest in fighting games. You will love it. You will hate it. You will suck at it. Fair warning, you'll hate every other fighting game though. Not to the point that you'll never play them again, but just to the point that you'll know in your heart - whenever you play anything else, you could be playing Melee. Learning to play Melee will change your life - I don't know if it will be for the better or not, but you'll at least get really good at pushing the right buttons at the right time at the right speed. You'll play one of the greatest fighting games to grace the medium, and you may make some friends along the way. You'll always suck though. That one never changes.

I've always been a music guy, I've always been a gamer. I've - for a while now - been a programmer. It's no surprise to me that I would gravitate towards these activities when I felt like I needed a break, as I have done in the past and will continue to do.

Reading has been the most surprising escape for me. I don't read. I'm not a book lover, I'm not a literature guy. I read Harry Potter growing up. Stopped at the second book and just watched the movies. I owned the Lord of the Rings, and Redwall. I read the first page, the middle, and the last page of each (although I did read the Lord of the Rings appendix and extra bits). I just never cared for reading much. Sure, I read tech blogs, or video game reviews. But almost never books, except for school. Certainly never non-fiction books. Absolutely never any book that required me to think hard. How strange then - I've read and finished Man in the Holocene (again) last week, and I'm currently reading the Republic during my brief trips to the bathroom. I love it. It makes me think, really think, about things that will never show up in or affect my day to day life, and are yet so fascinating to consider and question. As a nice reprieve from the result oritentated rutt of programming, some of the questions posed in reading have no answer, and expect no answer. It is refreshing to not need a response. It is liberating to be able to think solely for the purpose of contemplation. It is refreshing to see an author pose a question, take a position, and leave the floor open for debate. It's a nice change of pace.

This has been long, and rambling, and I apologize. I've never been the strongest writer - perhaps because I was never the strongest reader. Hopefully after a couple of weeks of break and refreshment, I will return the strongest programmer.

Stay tuned.

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